"I think that Build the Life You Want and Still Have Time to Enjoy It! would make a great gift for someone that you know who is overwhelmed by having a lack of time. It is also a great gift to give to oneself."

Finding Me Time

and Being Able to Enjoy It:  5 Simple Steps

“When I am at home I feel like I should be at work, and when I am at work, I feel like I should be at home,” reflected a mother and leading consultant.  In our 24/7 multi-tasking society being overwhelmed and overcommitted is the norm. We often feel more stressed, anxious, or guilty when we take time out

“I try to create quality time with my son in the car.
We turn off the radio and just chat.  But, I know I have neglected
Me time when I find our quality time is a burden
Often I am so pre-occupied with the long list of things
                        I need to do when I get home I really am not listening to
him share about his day.”
--Andrea Sanders, working mom

It is important to realize that time management is no longer about having the right tools and enough discipline.  Rather, people today simply have more to do than time to do it.  Time management skills involve being able to make tough choices about priorities and to feel at ease with those choices. This often means having the ability to say “no.”

A lot of emotions come into play:  guilt that we aren’t keeping up or that we aren’t efficient multi-taskers as we perceive others to be, fear that we are letting others down, and anxiety brought about by the feeling of losing control or just missing out on even one activity. How well we address these emotions impacts how good we are at creating time for ourselves and whether we are able to truly be at ease with time for ourselves when we have it. 

It is easy to book each week without a break for ourselves or the unexpected.  And, if the unexpected occurs, it throws us off. We don’t know where we will find the time to handle the other things we have scheduled.  Often people’s schedules begin early in the morning and rap up late in the evening without a spare moment to breath.  We treat each day as though it is a sprint but often do not reserve the energy for the fact that life is in fact a marathon and we do need to pace ourselves.  It is important to note that one study reports  that 9 out of 10 visits to primary care physicians are for stress related problems! 

“Often times, when I am stressed and busy, I find that I give up the
one thing that I need the most—exercise.”

When we are at a constant sprint, we routinely leave out those items that help sustain us:  time with our families, exercise, eating, even sleep.  The end result, a phenomenon that marathon runners call “hitting the wall.”  We become totally drained with nothing left to offer for the day. 

Here are 5 simple ways to put time back into your schedule for yourself and to feel good about it!

1. Be honest with yourself about your time.

Att work or at home saying, “ok,” tends to be our first response because we are used to trying to do it all.  Not only does this eat up our personal time, it leaves us overwhelmed and can also breed resentment.  “Why am I always the one who has to do it?” It can also develop resentment in family members or friends who feel shorted on time with you.

The first critical step to regaining control of your personal time is to take a step back.  Simply pausing before allowing more to be added to your plate can end the cycle of overwork and confront the myth that we can do everything.  Evaluate:

• What do I already have on my plate?
• Do I WANT to do it?
• If I say, “yes,” to this, where will the time come from?
• Do I have feelings such as being overwhelmed, anxious or frantic?

Often times, identifying the underlying feelings helps us evaluate what our response should really be.

2. Even Machines Need a Tune Up

Remember that if you find you are scheduled like a machine, even machines need a tune up.  Have one thing you do that is just for you and actually put time in your calendar each day or week for that event.  No matter how busy things get, make that one item non-negotiable.  When things get really tight, what else will you choose not to do so your personal time cannot be forced out?

3. Breaks Create a Fresh Perspective

Sit down for a moment, take a breath and let your head stop spinning about all of the things you need to do.  Remind yourself that resting and breaking from the activity you are working on frees you to develop a fresh perspective.  Often the best solutions and mood alterations occur after a short break even if it is just a walk to the water cooler or a cup of tea.

4. Start Small and Slowly Reset the expectations

Often, our personal time disappears because we have set the expectation that we are always available or we can do it all.  Regaining personal time requires us to slowly reset the expectation that others have for us and that we may have for ourselves. For example, pick a time each day to turn your cell phone off or set off duty hours at home.  You can start small by letting people know when you will be unavailable.  If your personal time is interrupted, ask the person if they would mind coming back later.  Eventually people, will adjust to the new expectation.

5. Everyone Is Replaceable

When female executives were asked what they wished they had learned earlier in their career, many responded that they wished they had known that they were replaceable.  No matter how critical you are, if you are not available to take on an assignment someone else will fill the void.  Keeping in mind that we are replaceable helps us to maintain perspective when they want us to head up that fundraising committee or to drive the extra carpool shift.  Sometimes others want to volunteer and are just slower to the draw or have not been asked yet.  If you catch yourself thinking “am I the only one who can do this?” this may be a project you want to pass on.

"Me time" is about improving quality of life, and staying out of the doctor's office which is sure to add to your schedule and limit what you can do.  Remember, you matter to everyone around you so be good to yourself!

Quick Tips that will help fit “me time” in Your Routine:

• Take time for lunch and actually eat lunch
• Walk while meeting with a colleague.
• Keep a book in the car
• Exercise
• If you feel your anxiety level rising take a deep breath, hold it, and repeat.
• Consider creating a me day with friends or family where you take turns doing things that make you feel special.
• Indulge in simple pleasures whether it is sitting quietly until you finish a piece of chocolate or taking a bath before bed.  Take a moment to spoil yourself.